The Eyes Of The Truth
by ReNut
Summary: "Why are you shutting me out?" He never saw her acting like that before. NB.
1. Trying in vain

Finally, I got an idea for a multi-chapter fic. No more one shots, I promise :) Read and review! Enjoy!

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><p><strong><span>Trying in vain<span>**

Nate couldn't remember the last time he had to run because of a Gossip Girl blast. His lungs were burning, and he couldn't feel his legs anymore. He could have got a cab, but he chose not to. He chose to run. He wanted that rush of adrenaline that always seemed to help whenever he got confused or hurt. But this time he wasn't even confused, or hurt for that matter, he was worried. She was back in town. She managed to avoid his messages the whole summer, and he didn't know why. He wanted to talk, to ask how she's doing, when's the wedding, that's all. And now she was back home, and she looked like a ghost of herself in that picture.

"Where is she?" he asked Dorota, breathless, when he finally arrived her shared apartment with Serena.

"Miss Blair said she wants to be alone. No guests", Dorota replied coldly, trying to shrug him off by walking away to the kitchen. She expected him to leave, like he usually does when he's asked to do so. But this was anything but usual. He opened the door abruptly and saw nothing but an empty room. His first instinct was to check the bathroom. When he opened the door, he half expected to find her kneeling above the toilet, crying. But she wasn't there. He could hear the water flowing in the shower, but he could also hear her crying. He took a few steps back, and closed the door behind him quietly. Knowing her, she needed to cry it out, whatever it was, and he was willing to wait in her room for however it takes.

It wasn't long until she walked out of her bathroom, a towel covering her fragile body. She noticed him right away, and just walked passed him towards her closet, ignoring his existence. She started picking up clothes and throwing each and every item on her bed, directly at him.

"What are you doing?" he asked after ducking in order to avoid a bra she threw above his head.

"I thought I told Dorota not to let anyone in.", she answered in a low voice.

"She might have told me something about that", he chuckled, desperately trying to make her turn around. She didn't, she just kept throwing her clothes everywhere.

He sighed. He wanted to tell her she can let her guard down, because he already heard her crying, and she can tell him what's wrong, but he knows it might cause the opposite result, and she might actually make the walls surrounding her thicker, so he stayed quiet for a moment, trying to figure out what to say.

"Why are you here?" she said all of a sudden, stopping her movements and waiting for his answer.

"I saw that Gossip Girl blast, and I know you're supposed to get married in a month, so I just-"

"Get out", she said coldly, dismissing him with her free hand.

"Wait, what?" he asked and furrowed his eyebrows. He never saw her acting like that before.

"I told you to get out, what's not to get, Archibald?" she replied.

"I was trying to be a good friend, why are you shutting me out?"

"Because I need to be alone", she was being impatient pretty quickly.

"Fine, I just thought we could-"

"No. That will be a mistake. If it makes you feel any better, I'm fine, and you shouldn't have come", she said quickly, and he knew right in that moment, that's it's the last she'll ever say to him in a while.

He got up and reached his hand in order to touch her shoulder, to make her look at him, but she didn't budge. He knew she was crying, he could feel it in every bone of his body. He knew her more than he knew himself, and he wasn't sure she recognized that.

He closed her bedroom door behind him and leaned on it. She said they were fine before she went to Monaco, she promised it will be just fine. Something must have happened with Louis or Chuck, something he didn't know about. By the way she acted, he was pretty sure she would not be the source who's going to tell him about what happened. He'll have to dig it out, and he knew where to start. He and Chuck came back from Africa only a week ago. He wasn't sure Chuck was responsible for Blair's odd behavior, even though it might be the ultimate explanation. Chuck was always the cause in those cases, but it was unlikely.

When he arrived Chuck's suite in the Empire, he stumbled upon two giggling girls on their way out. Very unlikely indeed.

"Hey", Nate said when he saw Chuck with his regular scotch glass in his hand and a purple robe.

"Nathaniel", Chuck nodded his head.

"Look, umm, did you talk to Blair lately?"

"No, she's in Monaco or something, getting married?" Chuck shrugged and took a sip out of his scotch.

Nate didn't want to investigate further. Chuck's answer said it all – he didn't even know she was back in town; hence, he couldn't be responsible for her unreasonable behavior. Something was bothering her, and it wasn't Chuck.

It could be Louis, they might have broken up and she's just devastated. Or it could be… No, it can't. Nate shook his head and fell on his bed. She said they were fine. Besides, she was getting married, or at least supposed to get married. Nate was clueless. The ultimate solution was always Serena. She knew Blair best. Unfortunately, as far as he knows, she's still in California, raiding beach parties with some producers.

All he could think of was Dan, who is apparently still in the Hamptons. He knew they were some kind of friends, but with Blair being in Monaco most of the summer and Dan outside the city, Dan couldn't possibly know something.

He was never a good investigator, but it felt like it's all right under his nose. Something is, he was sure of it.

All of a sudden, his phone vibrated, indicating a text message. He opened the message, hoping its Blair, but all he could see is another Gossip Girl blast he couldn't care less about. Just when he was about to ignore the message and sway into deep thoughts, he caught Louis's picture from the corner of his eye.

_"Spotted – Louis Grimaldi, charming prince of Monaco in the precious land of Britain, holding the hand of the way-too-young Danish princess. Blair Waldorf who? Xoxo."_

Problem solved.

Did it really?


	2. Chase

_Pshh either my reviewers died, or this story just sucks. I'll choose the latter, but I refuse to give up :) R&R! Enjoy!_

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><p><strong><span>Chase<span>**

When she was 5, her mother told her that she should never underestimate her friends. 15 years later, and Blair decides it's a total lie. Eleanor was never that big on the parenting thing anyway.

Even though she was always surrounded by people, she never felt more alone. She took a glimpse out of the window, gently pushing the curtains aside. The paparazzos were still there. They were basically camping at her building for days now, and the tabloids were feeding on her loneliness, reporting on her ever going misfortune. The press might have showed an interest in her failing love life, but it seemed like none of her friends were willing to do the same. She could count the number of calls she got from he best friend ever since she got back home easily. None. She tried to convince herself that he doesn't even count. He's not even a friend anymore, and she didn't want him to pretend he is.

It has been five days since he sat on the very same bed she was sitting on right now, trying to be there for her. She pushed him away. She doesn't want him to pity her. She doesn't want him to be there because he feels he should. She owes him nothing. She checked her reflection in the full length mirror she asked Dorota to buy yesterday. She was going to spend a lot of hours in front of that mirror soon, and it's going to be unbearable. Just the thought of what's yet to come gave her the urge to punch the mirror, break it into million pieces, which will represent her shuttered heart. She stepped away from the mirror, and sighed heavily. It was time to face the world.

Nate couldn't sleep lately. All he could think about is her and her reaction when she saw him five days ago. He didn't know what to do, how to approach her. He wanted to tell her he understands, and he knows, and its okay, but she made it clear she doesn't want to see him. They didn't exactly part on good terms before she left to Monaco, but they decided to leave it behind, and he was positive that things were going to stay the same. Apparently he was wrong.

"Nathaniel!" he heard Chuck's voice from the kitchen. He took a quick last glimpse at his reflection in the mirror, and left his room towards the kitchen.

"Did you know Blair was in town?" Chuck asked him before pouring another glass of scotch and handing it to Nate.

"No. Why, what did you hear?" Nate replied and gladly took the glass from Chuck's stretched out hand.

"Apparently she's been in town for a few days now, but she's making her first public appearance out of her apartment right about now", Chuck said. Nate raised his eyebrows. He was pretty certain Chuck would react differently to the fact that Blair was in town without the prince. Maybe he did genuinely let her go.

"Oh, really? Where is she?" he asked, trying not to sound suspicious.

"Fifth Avenue. Where else?" Chuck shrugged and took another sip out of his scotch.

"Is that so?" Nate mumbled to himself and placed his scotch glass down on the kitchen counter without touching it. He wanted to ask Chuck if the information of her whereabouts is valid, but then decided not to. He wanted to catch her off guard, and telling Chuck wasn't a good idea.

"I'm off to school", Nate said nonchalantly and opened the door.

"Nathaniel, its still summer, no school until October", Chuck raised an eyebrow at Nate. He froze and tried to come back with something believable. "Oh wait, I forgot about those forms you need to fill for your next semester. I'm starting to appreciate my life as business man", Chuck said quickly and merely shrugged. Nate nodded and left the suite as quickly as he could, trying to prevent any further questions.

He saw her standing in front of Tiffany's; sporting a black coat and huge black shades, which completely covered her face. He approached her from behind, and stood there, shifting his gaze to the jewelries inside the store through the showcase.

"It's not polite to creep behind people like that you know", she commented sarcastically, still not turning around to face him.

"How did you..?" he asked in confusion. She seemed oblivious to his existence only a minute ago.

"I can see your reflection through the glass, Nate", she replied quietly.

"Well, I'm not creeping. I'm just standing here, in a public place." He teased.

"I thought I was clear the other day", she finally turned around to face him.

He ignored her and tried to read her expression, but all he could see is his own reflection in her black shades.

"Blair, it's like a hundred degrees, why are you wearing a coat?" he asked, utterly amused. She looked like a spy.

"Go away, Nate." She said coldly and turned on her heel. Before she could storm out of there like the head bitch in charge that she is, she heard a familiar sound of a camera click.

"Crap", she hissed to herself.

She turned her head and saw that Nate was still standing there, like the confused puppy that he is. She entered into Tiffany's as quickly as she could and hid in the corner of the store. At least a dozen of paparazzos stood outside the store, each and every one of them trying to take a picture of her. Luckily, they couldn't enter the store since it was illegal, but it wasn't illegal for Nate to do that, and that's exactly what he did when he realized what happened.

"So..." he said with a huge smirk on his face when he found her hiding in the corner.

"Yes, that's why I'm wearing a coat. I should have asked Serena for some tips", she muttered, lifted her shades and placed them on top of her head, rolling her eyes at him. He just stared at her, a faint smile on his lips.

"What are you smiling about, Archibald? I told you to go away", she said and took another glimpse outside the showcase. They were still there.

"Yeah, I don't think I'm leaving", he shrugged and leaned on the wall casually. "You can leave if you want though", he added.

"You're smarter than you look", she huffed and leaned on the wall beside him in defeat. "What do you want?"

"Coffee, with you. And then I promise I'll leave you alone", he said and offered her one of those charming Archibald smiles.

"Whatever it takes to take you off my back", she said and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Just coffee, nothing else", he repeated to assure her he means it.

She nodded and offered him a bitter-sweet half of a smile.

Blair Waldorf knows coffee is never just coffee on the Upper East Side. So does Nate.


	3. Rumor Has It

So, this one is a little short, but it clarifies a lot of important details. Hope you guys like it, and thank you for the lovely reviews, they're amazing! Keep them coming! :)

p.s: I know this is seriously confusing, but that's the whole point :) I'd suggest looking into the smallest of details ;)

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><p><strong><span>Rumor Has It<span>**

Blair's face couldn't be more amusing while she was trying to avoid his look. She sipped her coffee quietly and checked her phone every other second for messages.

Whenever she got a message, her face lit up, and would furiously punch the buttons, texting back as fast as she could.

"So, who's the lucky person you're constantly messaging?" He asked, trying to hide his amusement.

She looked up at him, genuinely surprised he's still there.

"You know, friends", she responded confidently.

"You mean minions", he replied quickly.

"No, I mean friends", she insisted and took an angry sip out of her still hot coffee cup.

He shook his head and sighed. "Blair…"

"What?"

"Come on, what's going on?" he asked while leaning forward, trying to capture her eyes with his.

She rolled her eyes at him and placed her coffee cup loudly on the table. He sent her an encouraging look, waiting for her to gush it all out.

"I agreed for coffee, nothing but coffee. That does not include a conversation of any sort", she said and burnt an imaginary hole with her eyes on his.

He leaned back against the back of his chair. He didn't want to use that card, but it seemed like he had no other choice. He did kind of expect her to be difficult with him though.

"That's okay, you can tell me. I already know", he said after a cold moment of silence.

Something in her face expression switched and he could almost hear something exploding inside of her.

She fought the lump in her throat, trying to gain composure before whispering a very terrified "What?"

"You can count on me. I'll be there for you", he said and reached for her hand. She pulled her hand out of his reach and hid it in her lap. He ended up touching the table instead, and he tried to hide his frustration. She never acted like that whenever she and Chuck broke up. Apparently the prince had more of an impact on her than he originally thought.

"Don't tell anyone, okay? I can explain", she mumbled in a low tone.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean? The whole world probably knows by now".

She opened her mouth in order to say something, but nothing came out.

"I'm sorry, I just never thought you were truly in love with him. I guess you were." He said when he realized that she might be there physically, but her mind wasn't even near the ground. She stared at the wall behind him and didn't respond for a few moments, before snapping back to reality.

"Who are you talking about?" she asked, obviously confused.

"Louis? Prince guy? The one you broke up with?"

"Oh, right, him", she replied quickly, regaining her bitchy voice all over again.

Nate furrowed his eyebrows and looked at her suspiciously. He was pretty sure they weren't on the same page judging by her reaction, but he decided to play along anyway, she might be harder to crack if he'd voice out his suspicions.

"So, what happened between you guys?" he asked carefully.

"That's none of your business, Nate", she replied after a deep moment of silence, in which she leaned her head on her palms.

"Suit yourself", Nate coughed and took a sip out of his cup. He figured it was better to give up for now; maybe he could get to her later.

He was putting so much effort into making her talk to him, and honestly, he didn't even know why. It seemed like the natural thing to do.

"Okay, are we done now?" she asked while getting up, clearly, not waiting for his answer.

He nodded and watched her leaving the café. He missed careless and free Blair. He wanted her closer to him again, like they used to be before everything happened. Before Serena, Chuck and college happened. Once upon a time, they were each other's best friends. Now, he felt like he needs to get to know her all over again. He'd blame what happened before she left to Monaco, but he couldn't. He was certain it wasn't the issue, but he was still losing her, and he was running out of ideas.

The minute she got home, she ran straight to her bedroom and collapsed on her bed, hot tears covering her flushed cheeks.

She couldn't possibly tell anyone, especially Nate.

It was only a matter of time, a matter of time until she'll show. She wanted to get it over with, like her 17 year old self was telling her to.

She's not 17 anymore, but she's in the same situation, only worse.

She got up and took a glimpse at the full length mirror again, this time, removing each piece of clothing she had on, until she was fully naked in front of the mirror. She took a closer look at her flat stomach. She doesn't have much time to decide, and each day that passes by, she's torturing herself with the uncalled decision. She knows it's her decision to make, but not entirely. He's right there, and he doesn't know a thing. He's either at his Upper East Side luxurious suite, or in London, holding the hand of another princess.

She has some time to make the best decision for all of them three. Or all of them four. She wiped the last tear out of her cheek. She was going to be strong. She was going to be Blair Waldorf in all of her glory. A very pregnant Blair Waldorf, unless she'll decide otherwise.

The clock was ticking.


	4. What If

Hey guys. I'm so sorry for abandoning this story, but I've been so busy. I joined the army and I'm a solider these days, and I barely have any time to breath, but I'm definitely back for a while, and hopefully I'll manage to finish this one, and do it properly :) Read and Review!

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><p><strong>What If<strong>

Louis was no where to be found. He never looked like that kind of guy, the one who disappears as soon as his recent relationship is over, and she never thought he would find another woman so quickly. He seemed so decent and caring at times, she could easily think she's the only woman in his life, and always will be, but the harsh look on his face when they decided to break up proved her wrong. She realized he wasn't going to wait, and her realizations never seemed to fail her after all. She dropped her phone on the bed and sighed. She wasn't the one to chase her former lovers down, especially in order to let them know she's pregnant and they might be the father of the child. She's the one to do whatever she wants without informing anyone, and never the less asking them about their opinions. Her hormones are killing her, she decided.

Her screen flashed for the hundredth time today, and Nate's name appeared like it usually does. She would drown her phone in the toilet, but unfortunately she couldn't afford the time it would take to get another phone and the lost contacts. Instead, she just pressed the ignore button once again and stared at the screen.

Pitch black again.

"Fuck", Nate hissed when it reached to voice mail again. Even though he knew her better, and taking the forward, bolder approach of 'visiting' her without any announcement would be more affective, he decided to try a few more times. She has to pick up eventually, right? Well, according to her depressed voice message, maybe not. He grabbed his keys from the counter and closed the door behind him. Ever since their short, unsuccessful meeting at the café, he figured it might be time to talk about what happened. He couldn't find another reason for her strange behavior, never the less to him. It might be it, he decided, and stopped in the first red light he encountered.

A short drive to a long conversation.

Blair looked at her plate with disgust. She already told Dorota she cannot possibly eat anything greasy anymore, and French toast is definitely greasy in her list. She shoved the plate away from her and was about to get up when she heard a deep voice, telling her to sit in more of a command than a request. She did. Dealing with Nate while standing up would allow her to run, that's true, yet, the only option was locking herself in the bathroom, hoping he would leave, and that's just plain dumb. Not because it's the bathroom and she's not 16 anymore, but mostly because he already knows how to make her open the door, no matter how stubborn she is. He's done that way too many times before.

She stared at her plate, determined not to make any eye contact yet, hoping he would disappear at some point. Instead, he just grabbed a chair, and sat across of her. He used one of his hands to lift her chin up. He did not expect the tears, and much to his surprise, neither did she. She wiped her tears away and locked her lips in a determined, harsh look.

"Why?" he asked quietly while searching for her eyes with his. She refused to meet his look.

"I'm frustrated. You're frustrating me, Nate", she answered with an icy cold voice, and he could feel every single word hitting him in the face.

"Why? Because I care? I can't just stop caring, Blair", he replied. She could see his face falling. She's hurting him. She didn't answer, she just stared at him. He does care. No one else is willing to do this for her anymore.

"What is this about, Blair? Is this about what happened before you left?", he asked carefully. She didn't move, nor seemed to react. He decided to continue.

"Look, I know it's my fault. I shouldn't have showed up at your door like that, never the less drunk, and I shouldn't have said what I said, and-"

"No. Don't. It wasn't your fault." she said all of a sudden, determined to stop him. "Do you still..?" she asked him, her eyes finally set on his.

"I don't… know. I mean, I know I told you to forget all about it mainly because I was drunk and I didn't know what I was saying, but I'm not sure anymore", he replied in all honesty. He could never lie to her anymore, even though he tried many times before.

She nodded.

Every bone in her body was telling her to get up on her feet and run as far away as she could, and she was going to do just that when he suddenly said "You told me it wasn't just sex to you. You told me it felt like making love."

In less than a second, her entire world crashed underneath her legs. She thought he was asleep by then. He was drunk and asleep, and she said it so very quietly, and he managed to hear every single word.

At the moment, dealing with him, dealing with this, was far away on her 'to-do' list.

"I say a lot of things, Archibald", she said shapely and got up, walking towards her room.

Nate squeezed his eyes shut, angry at himself for not being able to shut it just this once. He must have went too far.

"Don't you dare think about the bathroom Blair", he said when she disappeared in the corridor. She appeared in front of him again a second later, her face in a mixture of hopeless confusion and madness.

"I know! Believe me I know! I want to run but you won't let me. You're everywhere, and I just don't want you to be there for me, for once in my life", she said, whispering the last words because she was already out of breath.

"This isn't you. Don't you get it? You're weird. You're different. I want to help. Seeing you like this… it hurts. It does." he said and took a few steps towards her. She didn't budge. She just stared at him in response.

Her chin started to tremble, and a tear escaped one of her eyes, streaming down her cheek quietly. She looked so vulnerable to him in that moment, so fragile, yet so strong. She was truly beautiful in his eyes in that very moment. He realized how strong she was all along. With Chuck, with him, with her family, with Serena, with her career. She stood up for herself, she defended her loved ones, and she was strong for them, too. She carried the entire world on her petite shoulders and he felt the urge to pick her up and just put her to sleep.

She was weak for the first time in her life, and no one but him was there to witness. No one but him to love her and comfort her. He took another step towards her without hesitation, and cupped her face with both of his hands. His touch made her cry even harder. He stroked her hair and kissed her nose, bringing her closer to him with every move. Just like a lifeless puppet, craving for meaning, she moved along.

She tilted her head up and stared at him with sudden confidence. He moved even closer to her, their lips dangerously close. He wanted to kiss her so bad, ever since he saw her for the first time a few days ago, walking out from the shower with her head held high, ready to dismiss him and tell him he might as well just go to hell. He breathed her scent in. She always smelled like vanilla to him, and it made him dizzy.

"I'm pregnant", she whispered when she felt her lips touching his, halfway into something that felt so right, yet must have been a mistake.


	5. What Goes Around

**A/N: **Hey guys. The army has been killing me lately, but there's an update, so hopefully nobdoy's hating on me that much :) Also, this one is obviously a flashback. R&R!

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><p><strong><span>What Goes Around<span>**

It's been a while. A while since she's been so relaxed. She opened every single window in her room; letting the air circulation flood her room and the noise of the street fill her ears. She's right there, where she's supposed to be. Her love for the city never seized to amaze her. She walked over to her bed and simply dropped on it with her arms wide in the air, smiling to herself. Sometimes she wonders about her choices and why she has to worry so much. Her upcoming wedding is currently a mess. The royal family is a huge pain in the ass and it seems to drain all of her semi positive energy lately.

"Honey, wouldn't you like to relax for a few days? Europe perhaps?" she asked Louis quietly while caressing his cheek. The minute he was about to open his mouth and respond, she added "Alone. Just by yourself, darling." in a sweet tone. Three days later and she was all alone, with her fiancé and his royal obligations far away from her for a while. That's exactly what she needed.

A loud series of knocks on the door interrupted her content thoughts. She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the loud noise, hoping it would disappear. It didn't, it just grew louder, and a louder cry of "Blair!" joined the fiasco going on at her door. She recognized that voice. "Oh for the love of god", she muttered while getting up slowly. She's going to miss the comfort of her bed. She walked over to the door and opened it as fast as she could to prevent the noise from going on and on.

A very drunken Nate appeared in front of her; his hair all messed up, his jacket in hand and his dress shirt half torn. He just stared at her for a while, not knowing what to say. He was certain she wasn't home and he was about to give up a few seconds ago.

Blair was pretty sure that if it wasn't him standing at her door right now, she would slaughter whoever interrupted her without any additional thoughts, but well, he was here, and he looked like utter crap.

"Come in", she said and moved aside to let him do just that. "Thanks", he mumbled and walked in, the stench of alcohol following him like a creepy stalker. Blair closed the door behind her and leaned on it in order to get a better look at him. Yep, he still looked like a mess.

"Oh god, are you crying?" she asked when she noticed his watery eyes.

"No. I mean yes. Well this guy punched me so it kind of hurts", he replied, trying to keep his voice from trembling.

"Sit down", she ordered him, pointing at the nearest sofa. He obeyed immediately, mainly stumbling instead of walking. Blair walked into the kitchen and picked up a towel and wrapped a few ice cubes in it.

"Here", she said, attaching the towel to his left eye. Nate nodded in return, trying to elicit a smile. "What are you doing here?" she asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"I don't really know", he admitted and adjusted his head against her hand.

"I miss you", he added a few seconds later, staring at the floor. And when she thought nothing can take her by surprise anymore, the lightning just struck on her out of nowhere.

It's been a while since they were alone like this, as friends. "Well, I miss you too", she replied instantly, thinking it's the right thing to say. No, she didn't miss him. His presence made her emotional even though they both moved on. She couldn't possibly miss him when he made her feel like this, so she did what she knows best, avoid and disappear basically.

"Then why are you never around anymore?" he asked innocently, his eyes suddenly searching hers.

"The towel…" she mumbled when a cold drop of water landed on her thigh, indicating it's time to replace the ice cubes in it with new ones. She got up quickly, avoiding his question like the plague. She took her time this time around. "You can take a shower and crush on the couch of you want", she offered kindly a couple of minutes later since she had nothing else to say anymore.

He nodded in response and smiled weakly at her. She reached her hand to examine his eye, but he moved, avoiding her touch. He got up and walked towards the shower, not sparing her a glance.

Blair felt dumb, sitting there on the couch with a dropping towel. She got rid of the towel and grabbed a book, making herself comfortable on her own couch. She decided to wait for him, in case he still wants to talk. She felt bad all of a sudden, leaving him be like this without any explanation. She couldn't possibly tell him her heart used to jump every time he smiled at her. She couldn't possibly tell him it's been a torture to see him dating Serena and every other girl other than her. She couldn't tell him there's a reason she wasn't there for him when he needed her the most.

Nate wrapped a tower around his waist the minute he got out of the shower. He walked over to the little mirror above the sink and wiped the steam away. The ice seemed to help his eye, since it didn't hhurt as badly as it did before and it wasn't even remotely swollen like last week. It's the fourth time this month.

It surprised him at first, but he kind of liked it. He would go once a week to this bar down town, drink like there's no tomorrow, and end up fighting in this club they run behind the back door.

"Hey pretty boy, you can afford the entire bar, why bother?" the tall guy teased him at first. "Are you afraid, princess?" he continued when Nate didn't respond. A minute later, the same guy was lying on the floor, bleeding from his nose.

It was hard to admit, but Nate enjoyed every second of it. He was done. Losing wasn't an option for him anymore.

Nate stepped back from the mirror and ran a hand through his hair.

There she was, the girl he managed to lose to his best friend twice, waiting for him on the sofa, with a book in her petite hands.

"You don't have to wait for me you know", he said, sitting on the edge of the couch.

Blair raised her eyes from the book only to witness a half naked Nate on the edge of her sofa.

"Oh, uhm, right, I think I'll…" she mumbled, turning her head away in order to stop staring. Good to know he still works out.

"It's late, you're probably tired. I can manage from here", he said, trying to make it easier on her.

"Yeah, okay", she said, unsure of what to do with herself.

"Goodnight", he added with a smile on his lips.

"Oh, right, goodnight", Blair replied, suddenly confused. She turned on her heel quickly towards her bedroom, cursing all the way to her bed. This couldn't get any worse. Her heart ache is definitely back, and it's stronger than ever.


	6. On And On

I really like this one. Enjoy, R&R! :) (also it's a little lemony so yeah)

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><p><strong>On And On<strong>

She hoped to feel him stiffen under her touch. She wished for it, to be exact. She expected some kind of a response. She waited for him to step back, to start yelling at her for keeping in the dark for so long, for shutting him out, for treating him like crap even though there's a good chance she's carrying his child. Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers softly, like the gentle man that he is. It took her by surprise, but she managed to react rather normally and stay put, not responding to his kiss just yet.

A moment was all it took for her to pull away, suddenly angry at his response or lack of response to be exact. His eyebrows rose at the loss of contact and he just looked at her like a lost little lamb.

"I'm sorry, are you deaf?" she asked matter of factly when it seemed like that's all she was going to get. This horrible innocent look of his.

"I heard you", he replied silently, obviously not understanding the origins of her sudden anger.  
>Blair tilted her head aside. She had absolutely nothing to say to him anymore. Once again he brought her to this amazing loss of words.<p>

"What do you want me to say, Blair? That I would take full responsibility over my possibly own child? I don't need to. You know I would", he said after a cold moment of silence between them two.  
>"It's a child, Nate. It's not a toy. It will change our lives forever – if it's yours I mean", she said and tried to calm herself down. This was going downhill.<p>

_It didn't take him long to find her little cabinet in which she keeps all of her expensive alcohol. He left his self control at home tonight, and he couldn't care less about his faith as long as it's in the hand of the woman who was sleeping, or at least trying to sleep in the next room. Her entire house smelled just like her, and it made him dizzy. The bottle of scotch he pulled out of the cabinet was his only escape route for the moment. He would rather die with a bottle in hand and a heartbreak in his chest than actually try to sleep on her couch unsuccessfully like he knew would happen eventually. He took a big gulp of the cold bottle. Another one followed a minute later and slowly he drained half a bottle, the room twisting around him in circles. Much better._

_All of a sudden he felt a sharp pain when he tripped. Out of desperation he tried to grab the nearest object that will balance him. It was a vase. The horrible sound of shreds falling to the ground and scattering everywhere scared the crap out of him._

_"Fuck", he hissed when he tried to get up and examine the damage._

_"What the…" he could hear her voice as soon as she reached him, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He got up rather quickly (or at least he thought it was quick) in order to defend himself, but all he could see is her look of compassion._  
><em>"I'm sorry", he whispered and stared at the floor, suddenly ashamed. He waited for her to say something, but nothing happened.<em>

_All of a sudden he could feel her arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer to her. Her forehead met his in a tender move. He could feel her nodding against his nose. Understanding._

_It felt too familiar, too comfortable to be true._  
><em>'I'm drunk. This isn't happening', he started to convince himself when none of them moved. Her warm lips touched his after a long moment in which they tried to breath the growing thick air between them. Maybe it is happening.<em>

Nate realized she might want to hear him say all of these obvious things after all. She's a girl, and she's Blair.

"Look, I want you, with the baby. I want all of you. I'll take care of you", he reassured her, staring into her eyes as deep as he could, looking for that sign of salvation. He wanted her to say yes and let him know that it's going to be easier from now on. Just them, him and her.

She shook her head instead.

"This… this isn't right", she said and took a step back away from him.

Nate began to feel frustrated once again.

"Blair, I'm offering you forever. How's forever not right?" he asked genuinely.

He would like to know what's going on inside her head for once, but he can't even manage to read her blank face expression. She seemed worried.

"I never said I wanted to have it. And what's out there for me outside of your forever? What if it's Louis's? Will you still want me?" she raised her voice a little when she felt desperate for answers out of the blue. She needed to know it's okay. She needed to know there's a plan out there for her. She's done floating in the air, waiting for a savior to pick her up and put her on solid ground.

Everything seemed like a mess.

_The minute she grasped his hair in desperation, he deepened the kiss. She pushed him against the wall in response. They were stepping on shreds but none of them seemed to care. His shirt started to seem like a barrier to her and she desperately tried to remove it in order to feel his skin under her palms. Nate got the idea when she touched the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head as quick as he could. She pulled away for a minute to catch her breath, and examined his torso, his indented pectoral muscles coming to life under her touch as soon as she kisses him roughly again._

_She can't get enough of him and it bothers her that he might forget all of it tomorrow, that they might never speak again. None of it was right, and she could feel her engagement ring cold against her warm hand, reminding her of who she is today, of her responsibilities to the royal family, to her fiancé._

_Nate fingered the hem of her quite see-through night gown, teasing her for a moment longer than he intended to, and like he expected, none of them could wait. He simply grabbed her ass, making her rise off the floor and wrap her legs around his torso. Everything turned into a haze in his head when he felt his manhood rubbing against her, reminding him of the shreds of self control he still has left. He decided not to use them tonight._

"I… I don't care whose baby it is, I just know that…" Nate tried to swallow the lump formed in his throat. He was really going to say that, and mean every single word.  
>"Why would you, Nate?" Blair shrugged weakly and leaned on the wall, the only firm object in her world right now to hold her from falling. Nate saw the opportunity and closed up on her, leaning as close as he could against the wall, only inches from her face.<br>"I guess I just…"  
>"What?"<p>

_Nate walked the both of them to her bedroom as slow as he could, savoring every moment of her body pressed on his like that. It's been a while. A very long while. When they finally reached her bedroom, he placed her on the bed gently, and climbed on top of her. For a moment, they forgot the purpose of their own frenzy, and just stared at each other. Nate tucked a strand of curly chocolate hair behind her ear in order to get a better view on her beautiful doe eyes. She was stunning in his eyes, always have been, and suddenly he felt sober more than ever. The sight of her gaze made his heart drop. He loved her, he wanted to protect her, and the realization suddenly hit him. She wasn't his. Not anymore._

_"I love you", he whispered in her ear, letting her know for what seemed like the last time in their lives._

Nate forgot how to respond for a moment. He thought he wasn't going to say that again anytime soon, since he didn't have the right to, and he found himself unable to form the words. He just stared at her helplessly, trying to find solace in her eyes.  
>She nodded, helping him understand she gets it. Helping him understand she knows.<p>

"I love you", he mouthed, choosing not to make a sound as if not to intrude the already unsteady bridge between the two of them.

Silence was all he could hear.


	7. Ready To Rise

_A/N: and then I pull a time jump on you guys ~bam~. don't kill me, it's just the direction. enjoy though, reviews are lovely :)_

* * *

><p><strong><span>Ready To Rise<span>**

"Here you go", Nate said as he wiped his daughter's ice cream covered face. She smiled brightly at him and ran back towards the play ground.

"She's beautiful", said a woman who was sitting on the bench right next to his.

"She is", Nate agreed a tilted his head to get a better look at her.

"How old is she?" the woman questioned while rocking her own little baby in her arms.  
>"Two", he responded and smiled slightly at his daughter who was waving like a maniac to a little boy in order to make him join her game.<p>

"Her eyes are unmistakably yours", the woman noted and kiss her baby boy on his nose.  
>"It's just the eyes though. The rest is definitely from her mother", he said and shifted uncomfortably in his seat from the mention of Emily's mother.<p>

The woman seemed to notice.

"It's okay. I think single dads are adorable, especially when they're so young", the woman said, trying to encourage him.  
>Nate furrowed his eyebrows and then smiled bashfully at the woman when he realized she got it all wrong. "Oh, no no, she's usually with her mother, it's just that-"<p>

"Oh, god, I'm so sorry", the woman said and raised her hand to cover her mouth.  
>"That's okay", he smiled at her and kept watching at his daughter, who was definitely trying to win this boy's attention by tugging at his hair. He seemed slightly annoyed.<p>

"Okay, that's enough little girl", he said and rushed to grab her in order to prevent any further damage. "We're going home, we promised your mother", he said once again when she pouted.

"No! Stay!" she exclaimed when he grabbed her hand and tried to lead her back to their bench. "I'm sorry sweetheart", he said seriously, trying to get her attention from the boy who was running away from his own mother. She seemed to understand rather quickly and followed him in defeat after shooting a longing look after that little boy.  
>Nate shook his head and laughed to himself.<br>"You liked him, didn't you?" he asked her when he noticed her fallen face. She simply nodded and kept walking.

"Now now, you're not allowed to bring a boyfriend home just yet. Tell your mother I said that", he said and tugged a stray of dark chocolate hair behind her ear.

He grabbed her toy bag and was about to leave with her in hand when the woman from before reached him and touched his shoulder to draw his attention.  
>"Listen, I'm so sorry, I should have minded my own business, and I would like to make up for it somehow", she said with hoping eyes.<p>

"How about coffee tomorrow?" Nate suggested and sent her a friendly smile, letting her know it's okay and there's nothing to worry about.  
>"Sounds great. I'll bring this little guy too if you don't mind. His mother is working practically all the time", she confessed and straightened the little baby's hair.<p>

"Oh", she said when she noticed his confused expression, "I'm his sitter. His name is Jake", she explained quickly. "Jake, say hello to…" she trailed off when she realized she has no idea what's the name of the attractive man standing in front of her. "Nate", he said and pretended to shake Jake's hand. The sitter smiled at him.

"Apparently we're into introductions, so Emily, sweetheart, meet…"  
>"Ashley", she said and laughed when Emily reached her own little hand to her in order to shake it.<p>

"Well, nice to meet you, Ashlee", he said and reached for her hand. When she grabbed it, she realized he was holding his phone.  
>She laughed loudly at his gesture and inserted her number into his phone.<br>"Nice to meet you too, Nate" she said and reached for his hand again, giving him his phone back. Nate grinned and shoved the phone down his pocket. Emily started pulling on his pants impatiently. "Look, I really gotta go, but I'll give you a call, okay?" he said and turned to leave.  
>"Sure. Have a nice day", she called after him.<p>

"Your mother is going to murder us for being this late", he told Emily when they caught the first cab back to the Upper East Side.  
>"Momma angry!" Emily said cheerfully and smiled a toothy smile right back at him. She found it her mother funny whenever she was pissed at Nate for bringing her home late.<br>"Glad to know you like this little turtle, that makes one of us", he said and sent her a crooked smile.  
>"Turtle! Turtle!" she repeated the word and curled into a ball on the backseat, trying to imitate the animal.<br>Nate laughed loudly and kissed Emily's cheek. "Great turtle honey".

The cab ride seemed to last forever, and he was already 45 minutes late when he showed up at her door. He knocked hesitantly and tightened his hold on his daughter's hand.  
>He expected her to yell at him or at least accuse him of being irresponsible whenever it comes to their arrangement, but all he got was tears. She opened the door slowly and tried to hide her puffy eyes, but there she was, crying.<p>

"Blair? What, why are you crying?" he tried to shove himself at her entrance after his little girl, who just squealed and ran towards her room. She didn't object and stepped aside in order to let him in. Nate leaned against the closed door and look at her, she's been crying for a while now.

"I'm sorry, did I do anything to upset you like this?" he asked genuinely when it seemed like she wasn't going to talk for the time being.

"You were late", she practically whispered, trying to hide her face away from him.  
>"I know. I'm sorry, I just…" he trailed off the minute he realized she started crying again. Apparently, giving birth can make certain women all emotional. He tried to remember the last time he saw her crying.<p>

"You didn't answer your phone, I was worried", she said hysterically, tears streaming down her face.  
>"God, I… I'm so sorry. It's okay Blair, she's okay", he tried to comfort her and shoved his hand to his pocket, drawing out his phone. 6 missed calls. He must have accidently set his phone on vibrate.<p>

"I know. It's fine", she said and wiped away her tears, trying to gain her composure back up.  
>"It won't happen again, I promise", he said and reached for her arm, rubbing it reassuringly.<br>Blair merely shrugged him off and walked away to check on Emily without saying a word.

They weren't on this stage yet. It took him a while to even convince her letting him be a part of her and Emily's life, but she wasn't comfortable around him ever since she rejected his love for her two and a half years ago. He knew she was terrified and dreaded the moment he would pull something like this again. She wouldn't be able to handle it all over again, especially when it's coming from him. Sometimes he wondered if she'll ever be ready for a serious relationship again. He could have sworn she felt the same that day when he told her he loved her, but it didn't stop her from practically shooing him off away from her life just so she could build those thick walls around her again.

Nate sighed and turned to leave, not before he took a glance at her house. It looked like she recently redecorated. It's been a while since she actually let him in. They usually talked business on the phone or just outside her apartment.

He would spend time with Emily twice a week for a few hours and he also got Blair to allow her to spend the weekend at his place once a month. He knew it's the best he could get out of her without going to court over their supposedly shared custody.

Nate removed his coat the minute he got home and just fell on his couch, enjoying the feeling of air leaving his lungs when his body hit the soft object. All of a sudden he realized he's got a date tomorrow, a first one of three whole years. He better not screw it up. Ashley seemed like a nice girl, and she was also quite attractive. He remembered the way her wavy blonde hair and her sparkling green eyes drew his attention the first time he looked at her. He decided it might actually work.

He fell asleep with a smile on his face when he remembered Emily's turtle imitation. She definitely got that one from him.


End file.
